Envy: suffering in the face of another's happiness

Envy appears when another person's happiness, achievement or quality causes suffering and seems to diminish our own worth. It goes beyond the desire to possess something similar because it can turn another person's good into a threat and feed the desire to discredit the person who received it.

In this article, you will understand what envy is, how it differs from admiration and jealousy, and why it tends to arise more strongly in relation to people close to us. You will also perceive the role of comparison, insecurity and feelings of inferiority in this process.

Continue reading to recognize the subtle forms of envy in criticism, relationships, work and spiritual life. By the end, you will be able to understand what this feeling reveals about your own path and how to prevent another person's happiness from becoming a reason for attack.

What is envy?

Envy is the suffering caused by another person's good. Someone else's success is perceived as though it diminished one's own worth, occupied a place that should belong to the observer or revealed an inferiority that is difficult to accept.

Thomas Aquinas describes envy as a form of sorrow in the face of one's neighbor's good. According to his analysis, another person's good comes to be perceived as a personal evil because it seems to reduce the reputation, excellence or importance desired by the envious person.

This definition shows that envy is not found only in the desired object. It involves a triangular relationship formed by the person, the other and the good the other possesses.

Someone may desire a better home without envying a neighbor. They may want to develop a skill without suffering because another person already masters it. Desire turns into envy when another person's achievement becomes painful.

The inner question ceases to be simply “How can I achieve this?” and becomes “Why does this person have it while I do not?” In a more intense form, it becomes “They should not have succeeded.”

Another person's happiness is interpreted as a kind of accusation. What the other person achieved seems to reveal everything that the observer has not yet accomplished, developed or received.

Why is envy considered a capital sin?

Sins are called capital because they can generate other vices and behaviors. Envy does not necessarily remain an inner feeling; it can guide words, choices and actions intended to diminish the person who provoked the comparison.

Thomas Aquinas explains that envy is capital because sorrow in the face of another person's good drives a person to try to eliminate this suffering. To do so, they may seek to reduce the other's worth, reputation or happiness.

The person begins looking for faults in the one who stood out. They may spread negative information, imply that the achievement was unfair or attribute the entire result to luck, appearance, connections or dishonesty.

When they succeed in harming the other person, they feel satisfaction. When they cannot prevent that person's growth, resentment increases.

In the classification transmitted by Gregory the Great and analyzed by Thomas Aquinas, envy can give rise to defamation, backbiting, sorrow at another's prosperity, joy at their misfortune and, finally, hatred.

For this reason, it is not considered serious only because it causes inner suffering. It can also destroy relationships, divide groups and turn someone's achievement into a reason for persecution.

Envy is not the same as admiration

To admire someone is to recognize a quality, achievement or way of living that has value. Admiration can awaken the desire to learn, grow and develop similar abilities.

Envy reacts differently. Another person's excellence is not perceived as inspiration, but as a threat. Instead of asking what can be learned, the person looks for a way to reduce the difference.

In everyday language, someone may say they feel “good envy.” This expression usually means that they would like to possess something similar, but do not want the other person to lose what they achieved.

Philosophers discuss whether this so-called benign envy is really a form of envy or whether it would be more accurate to classify it as admiration, emulation or desire inspired by another person's example. The main difference lies in the presence or absence of a desire for the rival to be brought down.

Saying “I would also like to learn that skill” does not necessarily reveal envy. The problem appears when the inner sentence becomes “This person is not as good as everyone thinks” or “I hope they fail so people realize they are not superior.”

Admiration recognizes the good and seeks to draw closer to it through one's own growth. Envy seeks to diminish the good because it believes it cannot coexist with the difference.

What is the difference between envy and jealousy?

Envy and jealousy are often treated as the same feelings, but they represent different structures.

In envy, a person suffers because someone else possesses a good, ability, position or quality they also desire. The focus is on comparison with a rival.

In jealousy, there is generally a fear of losing a relationship, attention or an emotional position to a third person. Someone fears that what they consider theirs will be taken away or shared.

A person may envy a friend's beauty, job or security. They feel jealous when they fear that this friend will prefer someone else's company and move away.

Philosophy distinguishes these feelings because envy centers on competition for the good possessed by the rival, while jealousy involves a perceived threat to a valued relationship.

The two can appear together. A person may feel jealous of someone who receives the attention they wanted and, at the same time, envy that person's qualities.

Understanding the difference helps identify the true source of suffering. Not every reaction to another person's happiness arises from the desire to possess the same good; some arise from the fear of losing affection, importance or belonging.

Why do we feel more envy toward people close to us?

Envy frequently appears in relationships where there is some possibility of comparison. Coworkers, siblings, friends, people in the same profession and individuals of similar age may provoke more intense reactions than someone very distant.

Thomas Aquinas, returning to an observation attributed to Aristotle, states that people tend to envy those they consider close in condition, knowledge, reputation or position. The rival is someone who seems to occupy a place that could also have been attained by the person making the comparison.

A student may not suffer over the achievement of a world-renowned researcher, but feel considerable discomfort when a classmate receives an opportunity. Proximity makes the outcome seem more personal.

The thought usually follows an implicit comparison: “If this person succeeded, I should have succeeded too.” Another person's achievement ceases to be mere information and begins to be interpreted as an assessment of one's own failure.

Envy may also arise when two people began under similar conditions and one advanced more quickly. The greater the identification with the other, the harder it may be to separate their path from one's own.

This explains why friendships can be shaken precisely at positive moments. One person shares their happiness expecting support, but encounters distance, criticism or indifference because their achievement awakened comparison.

Is envy born from comparison?

Comparison is part of human perception. Observing other people helps us recognize possibilities, evaluate behaviors and understand differences.

The problem begins when comparison stops providing information and begins determining personal worth. A person does not ask only where they stand; they need to know whether they are above or below everyone else.

In this system, success seems complete only when someone else has been left behind. Another person's happiness threatens because it changes the imagined position each person occupies.

Envious comparison also tends to be selective. A person observes the visible result but does not fully consider the history, difficulties, sacrifices and circumstances involved.

They compare the inside of their life with the outside of someone else's. They know their own doubts, failures and insecurities, but see only the achievement the other person presents.

Envy turns difference into hierarchy. Someone is not merely more experienced in a given field; they begin to be interpreted as a more valuable person.

When personal worth depends on this ranking, every achievement by someone else can feel like a loss. The world becomes a dispute in which one person's growth must mean another person's diminishment.

Can envy arise from feelings of inferiority?

Envy can be fed when a person believes they do not have enough worth. Another person's good seems to confirm a negative idea they already carried about themselves.

An insecure person may interpret praise received by someone else as proof that they themselves are invisible. The other's success does not create this pain alone, but activates wounds related to rejection, failure or lack of recognition.

There may also be a feeling of injustice. The person believes they worked harder, suffered more or have greater merit, but did not receive the same result.

Not every perception of injustice is envy. Real inequalities, privileges and favoritism exist and need to be recognized and challenged.

The difference lies in the direction of the reaction. Faced with injustice, a person may seek correction, transparency and equality. In envy, suffering focuses on the person who benefited and may remain even when their achievement was legitimate.

Envy does not ask only whether the process was fair. It suffers because the other person possesses the good and may continue suffering even after recognizing that they worked to achieve it.

How does envy appear in everyday life?

Envy is rarely confessed directly. Because it is a socially rejected feeling, it often appears disguised as criticism, concern or supposed clear-sightedness.

A common manifestation is diminishing another person's achievement. When someone receives a promotion, the envious person says they were favored. When someone improves financially, they imply that the person must have acted dishonestly.

Another form appears in the difficulty of offering praise. The person inwardly recognizes the other's quality, but remains silent or offers a compliment accompanied by criticism.

They may also change the subject when someone shares good news. Instead of participating in that moment, they try to talk about their own achievements or show that they have already experienced something more important.

Envy may appear as secret satisfaction at a failure. The person outwardly demonstrates solidarity, but feels relieved because the other no longer occupies a superior position.

It also arises in constant surveillance. The envious person follows the other's life, looks for faults, analyzes their results and waits for something to confirm that the happiness presented was not real.

These isolated signs do not completely define a person. The vice becomes established when these reactions are repeated, fed and used to guide the relationship.

Can envy hide behind criticism?

Not every criticism arises from envy. Successful people also make mistakes, harm others and need to be challenged.

However, envy can use criticism as a disguise because criticizing seems more acceptable than admitting the suffering caused by another person's success.

An important sign appears when the assessment changes according to who receives the benefit. The person does not truly reject that achievement, practice or position; they are bothered because a particular individual attained it.

Another sign is the inability to recognize any positive aspect. Even when the criticism has a basis, the person needs to completely destroy the other's image.

Envy may also look for small flaws to cancel out great qualities. A single mistake is used as proof that the other person's entire path is false.

In groups, this appears through rumors, insinuations and seemingly innocent comments. The aim is not to correct a behavior, but to reduce the admiration someone receives.

Thomas Aquinas relates envy precisely to the effort to diminish a rival's reputation, secretly through backbiting or publicly through defamation.

Is taking pleasure in another person's downfall envy?

Satisfaction at someone else's suffering is often a consequence of envy. When a person's prosperity causes pain, their downfall can produce relief.

The observer did not receive the desired good, but feels that the difference has decreased. The other person lost the position that prompted comparison and ceased to function as a reminder of the observer's own sense of inferiority.

This pleasure can appear in response to a separation, dismissal, financial failure, public exposure or loss of prestige.

In some cases, the person tries to justify their satisfaction by saying the other “deserved it.” There may truly be a just consequence, but the feeling needs to be examined: is there joy at the restoration of justice or at that individual's personal suffering?

Christian tradition identifies joy at another person's misfortune as one of the consequences produced by envy. The movement begins with sorrow at prosperity and can end in satisfaction at loss.

Joy at another person's downfall does not heal feelings of inferiority. It provides only temporary relief because the person will continue finding new individuals with whom to compare themselves.

Envy on social media

Social media continually presents achievements, trips, relationships, physical transformations, professional results and moments of happiness.

The problem lies not only in the content published, but in how it is interpreted. A person may forget that they are observing a selected part of someone else's life.

They compare their ordinary days with moments chosen by other people to be shown. Their own problems remain visible all the time, while everyone else's difficulties remain outside the image.

Envy can also produce a contradictory relationship with content. A person feels discomfort but continues obsessively following the individual who awakens that feeling.

Each new publication functions as confirmation of a narrative: the other person is advancing while they remain still.

There may also be an attempt to compete through one's own exposure. The person does not post merely to share, but to demonstrate that they too possess happiness, success or recognition.

Conscious use of social media requires noticing which profiles inspire growth and which feed destructive comparison. Unfollowing certain content can be a way of protecting attention while the inner conflict is understood.

Envy within the family

The family is one of the first environments of comparison. Siblings may compete for attention, recognition, freedom, resources and parental approval.

When one child is continually presented as more intelligent, responsible or successful, the others may begin to interpret that child's achievements as threats.

These comparisons can continue into adulthood. Education, marriage, children, career and financial conditions become criteria by which relatives measure one another's worth.

Envy can also appear between parents and children. A frustrated adult may find it difficult to support opportunities they did not have or feel threatened by their children's independence and growth.

Among relatives, praise may be followed by criticism intended to restore a position of superiority: “He earns well, but he has no family”; “She is beautiful, but very arrogant.”

The conflict is not only in the good possessed. It lies in the difficulty of accepting that another person in the same family occupies a prominent position.

Transforming this pattern requires abandoning comparisons that assign fixed roles. Each member needs to be recognized for their path, without one person's worth depending on devaluing the others.

Envy at work

In the workplace, envy may arise in response to promotions, praise, opportunities, salaries, results and proximity to influential people.

A person may stop collaborating because they fear strengthening someone they regard as a rival. They hide information, make tasks difficult or avoid publicly recognizing a colleague's contribution.

They may also appropriate ideas, minimize results and highlight errors that would normally be treated proportionally.

Professional envy is especially destructive because it can present itself as technical rigor. The person claims to be protecting the quality of the work, but applies different standards depending on who is being assessed.

Another manifestation appears when a leader avoids developing team members for fear of being surpassed. Instead of training people, they centralize information to preserve their importance.

Collective success becomes difficult when every instance of growth is interpreted as a loss of position. The organization fails to use its talents because individuals are more concerned with defending territory.

Recognizing another person's merit does not eliminate one's own worth. In many contexts, one person's growth can expand opportunities, knowledge and results for everyone.

What is spiritual envy?

Spiritual envy arises when a person suffers in the face of someone else's development, knowledge or religious recognition.

They may be bothered because another person teaches better, gathers more students, receives more attention or reports spiritual experiences considered profound.

Instead of observing their own practice, they seek to invalidate the other person's path. They say the experience was invented, the knowledge is superficial or the recognition received demonstrates a lack of humility.

This does not mean that spiritual experiences and authorities should not be examined. Discernment is necessary, especially when there are exaggerated promises, manipulation or abuse.

Envy appears when criticism seeks neither truth nor the protection of people, but rather the diminishment of the person who received a good considered desirable.

Thomas Aquinas considers sorrow at another person's spiritual good especially serious because it opposes not only one's neighbor, but the very good being developed.

Spiritual knowledge does not immunize anyone against comparison. On the contrary, it can offer new objects to the ego: titles, initiations, experiences, disciples, authority and supposed levels of evolution.

A mature spiritual practice should increase the ability to recognize another person's growth. When it produces only competition and superiority, it needs to be reviewed.

Does the first reaction of envy define a person?

A comparison may arise before a conscious choice. Someone receives good news and immediately feels discomfort, sadness or inferiority.

This first reaction does not need to be denied, but neither should it be granted absolute authority. The person can still observe the feeling and decide what they will do with it.

Thomas Aquinas distinguishes the first emotional movements from fully consented and cultivated forms of vice. This distinction makes it possible to understand that the initial presence of a feeling does not carry the same weight as the choices made to maintain it or turn it into action.

Feeling envy does not compel anyone to defame, harm or withdraw. Awareness begins precisely when a person recognizes the reaction without immediately constructing a justification.

They can ask why that achievement caused pain. Perhaps it reveals an abandoned desire, a need for recognition or an area of life that needs attention.

In this case, the feeling can provide information. It shows something the person values but is processing through comparison.

Transformation begins when the energy stops being directed against the other person and begins to be used to understand one's own path.

What are the consequences of envy?

Envy prevents a person from participating in another's happiness. Moments that could strengthen relationships become occasions for comparison and resentment.

It also produces permanent dissatisfaction. There will always be someone with more experience, beauty, money, recognition or opportunity in a given area.

The person begins to ignore what they possess because their attention is focused on the good that belongs to someone else. Even when they achieve something, they quickly find a new comparison.

Relationships also become insecure. Friends and relatives stop sharing good news because they notice criticism, indifference or changes in behavior.

Envy can also distort the perception of reality. To justify resentment, the person needs to believe that the other does not deserve what they received or that their happiness is false.

When it becomes a habit, the vice creates an identity dependent on another person's position. The person no longer knows how to evaluate their life without checking who is above or below.

In Christian tradition, envy opposes charity because charity rejoices in one's neighbor's good, while envy suffers in its presence.

The virtue opposed to envy

Envy is traditionally confronted by charity, benevolence and humility. These virtues make it possible to recognize another person's good without interpreting it as personal diminishment.

Charity, in this context, does not mean only offering material help. It means genuinely desiring the good of another and being able to rejoice when they grow.

Humility helps a person abandon the need for superiority. They recognize that they do not need to possess every quality or occupy every position in order to have worth.

The Catechism presents goodwill and humility as ways of combating envy and emphasizes the importance of learning to rejoice in other people's progress.

This does not mean denying one's own pain or pretending enthusiasm. Some news may touch deep frustrations and require time to be processed.

Virtue begins when a person refuses to turn their pain into attack. They can recognize that they are suffering and still choose not to diminish the person who received the good.

With practice, it becomes possible to admire without humiliating oneself, learn without copying and celebrate without feeling that one's own existence has lost value.

How can envy be transformed?

The first step is to admit the feeling without creating a morally comfortable explanation. Instead of immediately saying that the other person is undeserving, one can acknowledge: “Their achievement bothered me.”

Next, the person needs to identify the good that triggered the comparison. Is it recognition, security, beauty, affection, freedom, knowledge or belonging?

This answer may reveal a forgotten need. Envy ceases to be merely an attack on someone else and begins to show an area that requires care.

It is also important to separate desire from rivalry. Does the person truly want that good, or do they merely want not to be below someone else?

Another practice consists of interrupting behaviors that feed the vice. This includes constantly monitoring the other person's life, looking for faults, spreading comments or following content that increases comparison.

Consciously recognizing another person's merits also weakens the need to discredit them. Praise does not need to be exaggerated, but it should be honest.

The person can also turn comparison into learning. Instead of asking why the other succeeded, they can investigate which choices, skills and conditions contributed to that result.

Not everything can be reproduced. Paths, opportunities and characteristics differ. Accepting this is part of transformation.

Finally, it is necessary to build personal criteria for development. When every measure comes from another person's life, one never knows whether one is truly progressing or merely competing.

Another person's happiness does not diminish our own

Envy makes a person believe that good is always scarce. If someone receives recognition, there seems to be less recognition left for everyone else. If someone finds happiness, their achievement appears to reveal what is absent in the observer's life.

In some situations, people truly compete for limited resources. However, not every good works in this way. Knowledge, friendship, development and joy can grow without anyone needing to be destroyed.

Another person's achievement may reveal pain, but it does not have to become an offense. It can also show possibilities, offer learning and awaken decisions that had been postponed.

Overcoming envy does not mean never feeling comparison again. It means preventing comparison from turning into a desire to diminish someone else.

When a person recognizes their own path, difference no longer has to be a threat. They can admit that someone possesses something they desire without denying the merit, humanity or happiness of the person who achieved it.

Maturity appears when we can look at another person's good without turning it into proof of our failure. At that moment, their happiness stops hurting us and can finally be recognized for what it is: a good that does not need to be destroyed for us to find our own as well.

Frequently Asked Questions About Envy

What is envy? ›

Is envy the same as admiration? ›

What is the difference between envy and jealousy? ›

Does the first reaction of envy define a person? ›

How can envy be transformed? ›

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About the author

Prof. Tibério Z has more than 30 years of experience teaching spirituality, metaphysics, holistic therapies and consciousness development.